Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
