hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
