I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
