if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
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My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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