Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.