i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.