He asked to "fluff my boner.."
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
