hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
