Jerry, you need to find god
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
