We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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