capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
