At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
