Apparently you make a good broom.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
