She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
