I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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