Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
