End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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