What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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