the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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