Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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