i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
