Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
