I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
