First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
