Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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