In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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