I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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