i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
