i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
