This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
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hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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