someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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