She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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