Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize