I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
