Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
