I can't breathe out the right side of my face
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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