Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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