Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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