I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
