Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I had to cum in my sink.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
