$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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