I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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