If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
