so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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