I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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