Someone shit on the floor
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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