How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize