I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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