Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
