Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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