I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
time to smoke my breakfast
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When did angry sex become our thing?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
