ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
