how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
