Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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