so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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