Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
