You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
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let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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