there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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