I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
