all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
