I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
