it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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