My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
