I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
